In just over 3 weeks, you will go from being my only to my oldest. You’re excited but I worry you have no idea what you’re in for. Still, I know you can’t wait to be a big sister, especially since you’ve been begging us for a little sister for almost as long as you could speak.
Maddie, here’s what I want you to know: no matter what changes happen in our lives and no matter how big our family becomes, you are the one that will forever have made me a mother. You are the one that taught me I actually can believe in unconditional love. You are the one that made me believe that I’m capable of loving in a way I never dreamed possible. You are the one.
When you were born, I didn’t know how I would feel. I didn’t know if I would bond with you right away. I didn’t know if I had it in me to be a mother. Frankly, I didn’t know anything about love. And then you were born. And I looked at you. And I knew you. Somehow, I just knew you. I know that doesn’t make any sense and probably won’t make any sense until you have children of your own. But I looked into your eyes and it was as if, all of a sudden, I was given a crash course in how to love somebody with all my heart.
For the last 5 years, you’ve been the center of our world. We’ve taken more pictures of you than we know what to do with. In fact, we’ve taken so many pictures of you that you’ve turned into quite the ham – you see the camera pointed at you and you immediately strike a pose and smile. Now the camera won’t always be pointed at you; many times it will be pointed at your little sister instead. And I worry about how this will make you feel. Really, all I’ve been doing lately is worrying about how all of this will affect you. Because you? You are my heart. Truly.
Everybody says that when you have another child, somehow your capacity for love grows. That even though you wonder how you can possibly love another the way you love the child you already have, it somehow just happens. I hope this is true. I have no reason not to believe it especially since every single person who has ever had more than one child has said it. So, I have to believe it although it’s hard for me to imagine right now.
Yes, you’ve spent your first 5 years as an only child. But now you’ll get to be a part of something even better: you’ll get to be a team with someone else. You’ll be able to band against your boring, annoying, sometimes infuriating parents with someone by your side. You’ll get what I always wanted – a sister. I hope you two grow up to be friends and lean on each other during the hard times. I hope you’ll gossip together, support each other and no matter what, love each other. Because no matter how many times you may fight or get jealous of one another or compete for the attention of your parents, a sister is an enviable and wonderful thing to have.
So, my dear Maddie…as we get ever closer to that day in May in which you’ll become a Big Sister, I need you to know that while you may no longer be my Only, you will always be my First. You will always have a special place in my heart. You will always be my heart.
I love you madly.